RevPit 2022 #10Queries Roundup

Every year during the #RevPit Annual Contest, the editors tweet anonymous feedback on participants’ queries and first five pages. This way, the feedback in the tweets is helpful to all writers, not just the particular authors whose work we are addressing. Below are all my tweets from the 2022 Annual Contest last month. If you prefer to read them on Twitter, you can view them all in this thread.

1. Good morning, #RevPit! Ready for some #10Queries? The editors will tweet anonymous feedback on participants’ queries and first five pages. This way, the feedback in the tweets is helpful to all writers, not just the particular authors whose work we are addressing.

2. These are random selections, not in any particular order. I’ll have two tweets per sub, one for the query (marked with Q), one for the pages (marked with P). The goal is to keep them all in one thread, but we’ll see if I achieve that. 😆 #RevPit #10Queries

3. Some abbreviations: QL query letter P pages MS manuscript MC main character A adult YA young adult F fantasy SF sci fi #RevPit #10Queries

4. Q1: A, F – Interesting blend of two genres I love. QL is a good, love that I can see agency. I wonder if you could find better comps. Mostly, I’m not sure one is really something you want to associate your story with in terms of tone and interest. #RevPit #10Queries

5. P1: Nice narrative voice, starts with everyday world, and we get a little surprise that gives pg 1 a nice flow. This is a strong first chapter. Based on this and the query, I can see how we might get to the inciting from here. That’s a good sign! 💪#RevPit #10Queries

6. Q2: A, F – I can tell you read my MSWL! This story is a perfect fit for what I asked for, and even the logline has me a little giddy. The word count is pretty low though, and I’m not sure your technique is a good fit. Still, I’m excited to dive in! #RevPit #10Queries

7. P2: Pg 1 gives strong voice, great interaction w MC + another character that showcases their personality AND establishes the fantasy element. Really good start. This banter is *chef kiss* because it feels organic, real, and fun #RevPit #10Queries

8. Q3: YA, F – Promising concept, but the QL is a little scattered tonally. I’m not sure if this story is going to be funny or serious, charming or dark. Even if it’s both, that needs to be clearer instead of confusing. You def want the tone of the QL to match pgs #RevPit #10Queries

9. P3: YA = PG13. Remember, readers will be younger than your MC and parents WILL gatekeep. The voice is strong, but I’m not sure what it’s conveying. It feels like it might be trying too hard?Dial it back. Let us connect with the MC. What’s their motivation? #RevPit #10Queries

10. Q4: YA, SF – Premise is specified as Do Not Send on my MSWL. I’m not chucking it–but agents will. Make sure you read every detail! This is a fun twist, really great comps, love the representation. QL is a little long. Condense + focus for impact #RevPit #10Queries

11. P4: This voice woke me up! Idk what I was expecting, but this is great. Very real + engaging. Opening scene might be a little cliche, but it shows the world + SF element + character + conflict. Can’t ask for much more than that! #RevPit #10Queries

12. Q5: A, F – when I tell you that I SCREAMED at this title. Titles are my Kryptonite, but I know a good one when I see it–this is perfect for genre + makes me feel like I don’t even need the QL😆Still, QL lives up to the promise + bio makes me wanna be friends👀 #RevPit #10Queries

13. P5: Good opening scene, but it lacks the urgency it should have–or an explanation of why it doesn’t. Def fixable in edits and a great example of the kind of things the editors look for. These are how we develop editorial vision for stories #RevPit #10Queries

14. Q6: A, F – Author subbed in prev years, and it’s always exciting to see new stories. I like the premise, although the query has some repetition that makes me wonder if there was a problem in converting to this format? OK for #RevPit but watch for issues when querying #10Queries

15. P6: Feels like it takes a bit too long to get the scene going, but the voice is good. 1st 5 ends on a hook that really makes me wanna keep reading. Lots of promise here, but it needs a little polishing. That’s what we’re here for, right? #RevPit #10Queries

16. Q7: YA, F – Love this premise, and the QL is well written! But it feels way too adult for YA. Would be perfect for the NA category a lot of people want to see. Can the basic concept work for PG13 though? The pages might help me decide #RevPit #10Queries

17. P7: Good writing, voice, but I think this is starting in the wrong place. I understand the urge to start with a climactic scene, but it makes it hard to connect with the MC. That + needing more interiority means the MC almost fades into the background in pgs #RevPit #10Queries

18. Q8: YA, F – ARGH torn on this one! Some elements have me all 😍 and others are on my Do Not Send list. It seems like theDo Not Send element is pretty strong, but can the heart eyes outweigh it? #RevPit #10Queries

19. P8: This one also seems to start in the wrong place. Take a step back and show what your MC was doing right before this. Let us acclimate to your story + get to know the MC before you thrust us into the main conflict. #RevPit #10Queries

20. Q9: YA, F – This premise is so many things I love! The QL seems a little long in terms of word count, but the ms itself is in the right shape. It could go higher still if needed. Great comps, strong stakes. Excited to read the pages. #RevPit #10Queries

21. P9: Pgs are well written, but the opening scene has a problem I see a lot–starting just after a big thing happened off page is awkward. We either need to start before and show the big thing or move ahead some to the “new normal” after the big thing. #RevPit #10Queries

22. Q10: A, F – I like the premise a lot but want more details in the QL. It’s too vague + makes the story feel a little generic. What makes it stand out in a crowded market? What’s the big hook for the plot? What will the MC actually have to do? Focus on that. #RevPit #10Queries

23. P10: Good but escalates too quickly. We don’t get enough understanding of the situation. We see what’s happening, but why does it matter to your MC? Why should it matter to us? What does she really want for herself? What’s holding her back internally? #RevPit #10Queries

24. Q11: YA SFF – All these materials are in really solid shape. I honestly don’t have much to offer. I remember this one from last year + went back to look at those notes. I don’t see any of those issues anymore so YAY! Really great work and looking forward to pages. #RevPit #10Queries

25. P11: Pages must be better too because I’m not seeing the issues from last year’s notes here either. This submission is really strong. I’m honestly not sure they even need me. Will definitely be coming back for more info. #RevPit #10Queries·

26. Q12: YA, F – QL is strong, but you’re giving a lot of the MC’s bad qualities w/o a lot of the good. Might want to be a little more subtle to give a better balance. Premise is great! #RevPit #10Queries

27. P12: Where did this voice come from? 😍 Give us a lil of that in the QL! The tones need to match so we know what to expect. Don’t see any of the author’s concerns from the Qs in the pages I read. Do they come in later, or did the author correct on their own? #RevPit #10Queries

28. Q13: Y, F – QL feels a little vague in places, and I wasn’t sure how some of the elements fit together. Remember: specificity in the QL is your friend! Don’t be so afraid of giving the twist away that you don’t give enough to hook us #RevPit #10Queries

29. P13: The writing is beautiful but too exposition heavy, especially considering the low word count. It needs some line-level edits–will it be too much for #RevPit? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Making a note to come back. #10Queries

30. Q14: A, H – I like the premise, and the query is really well written. But after reading it, I’m not sure what makes this story stand out in a crowded market. How is this ms different, fresh, unique? What would make a reader pick up this book over another? #RevPit #10Queries

31. P14: Really great tone and sense of foreboding. Love the way it ends! Very cinematic. But even in the pages, nothing is really grabbing me. This submission needs to lean into what makes this story special and different than others in this genre #RevPit #10Queries

32. Q15: A, H – QL is good, but I’m not really getting any stakes. It feels like there’s something missing that would connect all the pieces. BUT this bio makes me wanna be friends with this author! #RevPit #10Queries

33. P15: The voice is in-cred-i-ble. The pages are a bit of a mess. This isn’t the place to start + feels like another genre. Altogether, there is some really great stuff here, but it needs focus. #RevPit #10Queries

34. Q16: YA, F – I like a lot of the basic concept–familiar w a twist–but the rest of the premise still feels too familiar. The word count is also really low. But the QL is well written and makes me curious to read the pages #RevPit #10Queries

35. P16: Too much exposition, start w connecting to MC instead + work in expo as you go or move to later. That’s a super common problem in Ch 1. Bring more depth the big Ch 1 conflict. But mostly, take this cool twist deeper + really make it your own. #RevPit #10Queries

36. Q17: YA, SF – Good query, and the premise is so fun! But it feels a little young, and the genre doesn’t seem accurate. Still, I’m excited to learn more and meet this MC #RevPit #10Queries

37. P17: Needs to connect things a little more and orient the reader + a deeper interiority to show more of what MC is thinking and feeling. The pgs also feel more like MG. I’m not sure if there’s content that wouldn’t translate and how to handle that? #RevPit #10Queries

38. Q18: YA, F – I love the premise. QL is pretty strong but drags a bit. Cut it back some so the essential elements shine through more. That’s where your hook is. #RevPit #10Queries

39. P18: Feels a little like it’s trying too hard. Too many “strong” word choices numb the reader to their impact. Use fewer so they can have that impact you’re looking for. That’s mostly line edits, but it’s impacting the content at this point. #RevPit #10Queries

40. Q19: YA, H – I love this premise so much, and this whole sub reminds me of another author who subbed in 2017 + has since gone on to pub one of my favorite books of 2021. Lots of promise here! #RevPit #10Queries

41. P19: This voice needs to be everywhere! But the pages don’t really read like a novel. The narrative distance makes it hard to connect with the MC. I would love to work on this ms, but I think it might need more work than we can do for #RevPit #10Queries

42. Q20: YA, F – This is one where the logline didn’t do a great job because it was too vague. I’m really glad I came back to read the QL because it’s good and I adore the premise! #RevPit #10Queries

43. P20: Pgs start w weather and need more orientation. Where are we? Who is there? What are they doing? Why should we care? This writing really isn’t there yet, but the story shows a lot of promise. I can’t wait to see more from you in the future! #RevPit #10Queries

And that’s my roundup! Still looking for more tips? Be sure to follow my newsletter, where I have some BIG NEWS coming out soon. And bonus, by signing up, you get a free download of my new resource, Top Down Revising! And, as always, feel free to reach out to me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or through my website.